The sharpness of it not just cuts but surprises.

The gut punches that come out of nowhere, making my underarms tingle with stress sweat, and my heartbeat pound so fast I have to put my hand over my mouth to stop it from flying out of my throat.

The tears that stream, reacting to the pain, fall in big drops of stored salty liquid off my chin, pooling on my chest as the heat in my cheeks burns. The sobs are the only way the ache can escape. 

My brain cracks, my soul goes dark, and my heart breaks.