I am raw.

You left.

I can still feel your arms around me. Your breath on my neck as you whisper, I love you. Your seed seeping from me.

You are imprinted all over my body and my mind.

You look at me quickly with pain in your eyes, saying my name and I love you one more time.

I hear your breath catch in your throat as you say those last words to me. That sound, the catch, it is your tears coming to the surface.

It echos loudly in my ears.

With those words and your tears, you are gone.

I’m staring at the door.

I feel like if I hold very still time will stop. I hold my breath.

Maybe time will go backward, maybe time will pause long enough to ease the ache in my soul. Maybe.

To have the last night again, to have you one more time.

Eyes closed tight as tears rush down my face I wish hard, like a child who believes in prayer and that God is listening.

Please, I beg, I’m not strong enough.

I stand looking at the bed we shared last night.

I bury my face in your pillow, still warm. Your scent is everywhere.

It is too much to bear.

I love you.

I quickly make the bed trapping your smell, your being, the memory and reality that is you. I tuck the remnants of us between the sheets. It’s the most intimate place I can keep them.

Except for in my heart.