Posted on by innerearth11

Charmed

I asked if you put me in a box. 

You nodded, your beautiful face turned toward me, you whispered yes.

I asked if you keep my things out or are they put away too?

You know what I’m asking.

You say the bracelet is on my coatrack.

Where will you put it when you move offices? 

You smile and say, I suppose it will go in a drawer, I don’t get to keep the coatrack.

That bracelet.

It has become a talisman of sorts. Hanging there giving off my protective powers. 

Its delicate gold chain, the links that bind us.

The charms, hanging from it, clinking against each other like us when we’re close.

I tried to take it back when you left.

It belongs to you now. A piece for your private collection.

“Kitty Bracelet, Worn by Her” could be the title.

Priceless and dear to your heart.

I imagine you touch it. Probably out of habit. A small stab to your heart, a quick reminder of love lost. And of me.

Funny how I left it in your office for the day. It had been banging against my keyboard all morning. I took it off at lunch, and the next day it was hanging from a branch on your coatrack.

You keep almost all the parts of me hidden away. You push me to the back of your mind.

But that small golden circle is the amount of space you allow your heart to stay raw and open.

The time it takes you to touch it and see my face in your mind is only a few heartbeats.

You can feel my essence pour out of it.

Our love as an infinite loop.

That last link to me. 

Pieces of me you can’t let go of.

Yours to keep.

Posted on by innerearth11

Hijacked

Our voices are quiet as we trade hellos over the line.

You sound as breathless as I feel.

Hijacked.

That’s what you say. You feel hijacked.

You say you are reeling from the visceral reaction I illicit within you.

My body flushes and my heart beats fast.

I too am hijacked.

A brief mixing of our voices was all it took to knock us from our centers.

I have to put it in my purse and carry it around until I can unpack it in private.

I take it in the shower and let it run down the drain.

It’s easier this time to see it disappear. Mixing with the bubbles of my shampoo the feelings are cleansed from me and flow down the pipes.

Gone.

I’m fine until later.

I close my eyes to sleep and hear the conversation all over again.

I am hijacked. 

My heart burns and I dream of you.

Posted on by innerearth11

K

I’ve seen you cry.

But so rarely for yourself.

Your empathy is vast. Your strength is immense.

Your heart is filled with love and understanding.

You are justice-centered and unendingly patient.

I know your life can be hard. I know it can be painful.

My dear friend, I see you. I know you.

You have held my hand during my deepest pain.

You are the only one who can always make me laugh, even during the very worst times of life. 

Always. 

You get me.

We have shared our lives. Our children are bound.

You have held me up when I couldn’t stand, knocked down by life or the bottle.

You have cleaned me up and dusted me off.

You push me forward and hold me close.

Your voice is familiar and comforting.

And you don’t judge me for my mothering tactic of fixing everything with candy.

You take the wild ride of your own life, the hardships, the pain, but the love too, and watch it spin on your turntable, “We Got the Beat” keeping time as you sing along and dance through it all.

You inspire me. And bring color into my world.

I cannot imagine my life without you.

Posted on by innerearth11

Silently

Walking into the Wind, pieces of the old are blowing off me leaving only my core, stripped down and raw.

I surrender.

The quiet steady, beat of my heart, bloody and broken, keeps time as my soul churns.

It happens within.

Growth is silent.

Creation is quiet.

Change is heart work.

Transformation, like the birth of a Star, is striking and beautiful.

Stepping out of the wind, I see with new eyes and allow for grace.

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Fluid

Slow-motion shifts in time.

Peaceful and blissful moments of detachment.

I am fluid, floating in the warmth of booze in my belly

Smashed.

I am falling, forgetting.

The choppy waves are rocking me unconscious.

Waves threatening to engulf me bottle, cork, glass, and all.

The days and nights cycle.

I am adrift and longing.

Painful realizations and self-loathing.

Acceptance of what is, I am fluid.

Surrender.

Forgiveness.

Grace.

Posted on by innerearth11

Incomplete

You took some pieces of my heart when you left.

You can keep them. I will learn to live without.

But the wounds you left in my soul will never close.

I am fragmented and deficient.

Though I will move on,  my being will forever be incomplete without you.

Posted on by innerearth11

All

Who the fuck do you think I am?

I was not raised from the center of the Universe, filled with Starfire and Magic to crumble before you.

You, who used and abused me. You, who have not treated me with the reverence and awe I deserve. You, who desecrated the holy places within me.

You have become background noise to the symphony that plays from my soul.

You did not drown me. I am the water.

Fluid and filled with Life.

You did not burn me. I am the fire.

White-hot, beautiful, and too intense for you to put out.

You did not bury me. I am the Earth.

Deep dark and sacred.

The blood that flows from between my legs soaks the ground as I walk, leaving in its wake Life and Love.

Like the millions of women before me, I blaze through this world holding the hands of my sisters and daughters, screaming and refusing to be silenced. 

And like millions of women before me, I am the beginning of Life, the base of strength, holding up the world. 

Because what beats in my chest is the center of the Universe.